Everything
by Mr. Shy Rockstar
Summary: Jasper was going to give it his last shot. He was going to try one last thing to prove to her she was meant for him, and him only. With so many unknowns, he is questioning if it will work...Will it?


**Authors Note: This is for Mia, this is actually my "present" to her for not getting my OS I owe her to her sooner… which… I still haven't posted either Sadly, I've been having problems with my internet and when I re-read it I ended up not liking how it came out so I'm tweaking it. But I didn't want to keep her waiting much longer so I super hope she will accept this present and love me still while I finish tweaking her os. **

**On a mini-side note, this was originally going to be a chapter of Half Empty but I ended up changing my mind because this seemed like it belonged on its own. I tweaked it for Ms. Mia though, so its all me to her :3**

**This is unbetaed, totally all me. **

**The song is called "Everything – Chester See" Its an amazing song and I love it. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Stephanie Meyer's work which should be given since I'm posting this ON a FAN-fiction site **

**Jasper POV: **

My world was falling apart; I knew I shouldn't have been taking my time with this. I should have listened to Rosalie all those months ago, but now I feared it was too late. She was leaving, they were getting married and I was getting left behind.

I was getting left behind.

Last night when they told us their big news, I wanted to die. They were leaving to start their new life in a new state. They would invite us for the wedding, but they wanted to spend the next few months until their wedding with just each other. A new life, new house, they wanted to build it all on their own.

Everyone was happy, excited for them. I smiled because it was asked of me, congratulated them on this step forward because it was expected. They would never know that on the inside I had felt so empty, so dead. Peter had managed to get me out of there before I collapsed, all I could feel from him had been worry but he had no reason to worry.

I was okay, I would be okay.

Right? I could fix this, somehow I could fix this.

I was walking in circles; everything that had happened in the past two years was a big ass circle. I'm back where I started and none of it was making sense, none of it. Where did I go wrong? Why couldn't I get her to see that she was meant to be with me? Why was she marrying him when she loved me more? What was wrong with her?

Was I doing something wrong?

"Jasper, hey are you coming to the party tonight?" Emmett asked over the phone, I hadn't even realized I had answered it. I was silent for a moment, struggling with the words I wanted to say and what I knew I should say. My breath was stuck in my throat, I felt like I did all those months ago when I couldn't talk—when I couldn't get the words out that I wanted to say.

"Hey bro, don't speak its fine. Esme wants to throw a big going away party since we won't see them until the wedding in a month, and I uh, I told her we should set up a stage to sing and stuff for them. I thought maybe you could sing her that song you have been working on?" Emmett paused, obviously trying to sort out his thoughts. I just stayed silent; I still wasn't sure what to say "Hey just come okay? Sing that song for he-them and then ya can go? Okay? Just… just come"

I nodded, not that he could see that. "Yea" I whispered before I hung up the phone. I lifted my head so my gaze moved to stare out the open window in front of me. I was at Peter and Charlotte's house, where I had been staying over the past few months. I took a step forward and placed my hand on the wooden frame.

I stared across the expanse of open fields, tall grass swaying in the wind. I could hear birds singing, animals scurrying about, and the sound of a nearby waterfall crashing into the river below. Everything was so beautiful, so expansively amazing. I couldn't believe the world hadn't stopped moving when I felt like time was standing still for me. I couldn't breath and my chest ached so much it was beyond manageable.

The sun was slowly making its decent across the western sky now—it was one of those rare days where the sky wasn't burdened with clouds.

The perfect day for a going away party, so fucking fitting.

"You okay Jasper?" Peter asked softly, I could tell he was standing right behind me and it took everything in my power not to lean back against him.

I tilted my head back so I could stare up at the expansive blue sky, slowly inhaling the wonderfully fresh air that wasn't thick with humidity today.

"Why does everyone I leave find it necessary to make me watch them walk away from me?" I whispered, leaning forward instead to grip the edge of the windowsill. My fingers dug into the wood with the fierceness of the grip.

"Jasper" Peter started softly, and I could tell he had lifted a hand to place upon my shoulder. I flinched away from the touch, hunching over as I slide down to my knees. I rested my arms atop the window edge, just staring out into nature.

"I fucked up again; I took my time I wanted to do this right. I wanted her to choose me but in the end, she chose him. Why am I never first for anyone? I'm always second, never winning this race I run." I sighed burrowing my face into my arms. I could feel the gentle breeze coming in the window, ruffling through my hair like a soft caress.

Peter didn't say a word, and I knew it was only because he for once had nothing to say.

Silence enveloped the room, but there was no tension. I wasn't angry at my position in this world, for once, I was just sad. It wasn't right that I never got first place that I wasn't allowed to reap the rewards of my efforts.

I stayed in that spot as the sun continued to fall deeper in the west, the sky darkening behind it. The night was chasing the day; the dark was chasing the light but it would never catch up.

I would never catch up to her, I would never be worthy of her. What would it take for her to realize I'm the one meant for her? Would she really have to become a vampire to realize I was meant for her, and then would she only choose me because the pull would not allow otherwise?

Time was becoming meaningless again; I couldn't handle this life anymore. Something unfair was always happening to me, every time I turned around.

"Jasper, we are heading to the party since Esme invited us over as well. Would you like to go?" Charlotte whispered in my ear sometime later. I lifted my head just enough to see that it was completely dark outside now. With a soft sigh I tilted my head to lay my cheek gently against my arm so I was staring into Charlottes caring red eyes. "I'll come by later" I whispered, attempting to keep my inner pain from leaking into my voice.

By the look on Charlottes face it didn't work, but she nodded and they left.

I waited a few minutes before I finally pushed myself to my feet. Lifting a hand I slowly shut the window before turning around to wander across the dark house to my bedroom.

I picked up a photo album from my bookshelf before I sat upon my bed. I could only stare at the cover for a long time before I finally garnered the courage to open it.

The first picture that lay neatly placed in the center of the page was of Bella from when I first met her. Her long brown curls were trying to fall into her face as she stared at the camera with such an expectant expression. Her eyes were wide and innocent, unknowing of our true nature at that time. A small smile was gracing her beautiful red lips as she had one hand raised to brush away those soft brown curls.

It was a photo Esme had taken of Bella her first night at our house, one that Esme had given to me without questions asked.

I flipped the page. The next few photos were of the first few months Bella and I spent together as friends. Some we had taken of each other with her camera. In those photos I was always smiling, my face pressed against hers as we tried making silly faces but would laugh right before she took the picture. The ones following those were ones Esme had taken, and in every one I was always staring at Bella with such intensity it was amazing no one else saw my love for her.

There was a photo of us playing in the mud, one of us trying to spray each other down with the water hose which turned into a water fight. There was one of us at the bookstore when we had gone with Esme to get some new books. There was one Emmett had taken while we all went to the movies, I had my arm looped with Bella's as she held Edward's hand. Edward was watching Bella and I laugh in this picture with a soft smile on his face. The one right after that, another done by Emmett, was one that really amazed me. I loved the honesty from the picture.

It was one of Edward, Bella and I standing beside each other trying to pose for the picture. Edward had allowed Bella to hold my hand while she held his as well. Bella was smiling brightly for the camera, but both Edward and I were staring down at Bella with such love adorning our faces. Two fools in love with the same woman, a woman who held our fate in her hands.

I flipped the page to reveal pictures of the different game and movie nights we all had. It wasn't until I crossed the picture of Bella and I making cookies together that I realized exactly why Edward had banned our friendship from continuing after that first year.

It wasn't because he feared I would drain her, no that probably would have been better. No, he had figured it out; he knew I was in love with her. I hadn't seen this photo before, and I was assuming Esme hadn't given me this album until a few days ago for this reason. In the photo Bella and I were standing by the counter, I had flour smeared across my face and she had some in her hair and splattered across her cheeks. We were both laughing something which had been so commonplace during that first year. I was wielding a wooden spoon about to flick raw cookie dough at her as she held out her hand trying to shove cookie dough into my mouth.

On the very edge of the photo you could see Edward standing by the kitchen door, all you could see was his back but you could easily tell he was tense. In the picture you could easily tell that I was in love with her. I remembered that day clearly, my mannerisms naturally are gentle and loving when I'm around her. I can't help it, its natural reactions. Edward wouldn't be able to deny what was splayed before him that day, especially that day…

I sighed and flipped the page, wondering what else could be in here. The next few pages were littered with photos of Bella through the rest of her junior year and that summer. Some of her with Edward but the majorities were of her alone or with other family members. There seemed to be many pages dedicated to that summer and the beginning of Bella's senior year. There were a few of Bella showing off her engagement ring to the family, and her happiness when I had shown up that night. There were then photos of the last few months we had spent together. These last few months that Edward had finally unbanned our friendship and allowed us to reconnect.

One of the photos was of me trying to teach Bella to play guitar, another of her showing me some notes on Edward's piano. There was another of us ganging up on Edward trying to get a flower crown we had made onto his head. There was a couple of the three of us up watching movies, I knew Edward didn't like how much time I spent with Bella once he allowed our friendship again. At the time I had assumed it was still due to him believing I would hurt her, but now I think he felt as if he had won, that he didn't have to fight so hard because she was marrying him and not me.

The second to last photo was of Bella and me dancing at her school prom. She had gone with Edward and for appearances sake I went with Alice. Despite the family knowing Alice and I were no longer together, the news hadn't been spread to the school yet and we—as in the family—didn't want to cause any attention to be drawn our way. Half way through the night I was able to talk Edward into letting me have one dance with Bella, and while I wasn't paying attention Alice must have taken a picture of us. In the photo, I was holding Bella close, her head resting gently against my chest as I buried my face into her luscious curls. My arms were intertwined around her waist as hers rested around my neck. You could barely tell but she was obviously standing on my feet as I moved us around the dance floor.

I held my breath, tracing a finger across the picture. That was two weeks ago and one of the happiest nights of my life. That night I thought I had finally gotten through to Bella, that she realized I was the one she should spend the rest of her life with. We had gone out into the school garden to get some fresh air, somehow having managed to lose Edward in the crowd. We spoke for hours about life, books, and movies, everything we could think of. We spoke of our time apart like we were apt to do when we had moments alone together. I had hated that time apart and it made my heart clench to hear she had hated it to; she blamed herself for not realizing Edward had a part in it earlier than she did but I forgave her. I told her I should have just stood up to Edward and not let him boss me around, we both decided to just move on.

That night, we had ended up talking about our beliefs in love, what we thought it was suppose to be like and how different we interpreted it to be in reality. Bella, thinking I hadn't found the one I loved yet because as always she was oblivious to my love for her, gave me her wishful thoughts of how she hoped to see me marry someone lovely today. She spoke of what type of girl she thought would be right for me, and ironically described herself pretty accurately. I am still not sure if she had done that on purpose or if it was a, how do you say, Freudian slip? We had talked about how she use to have a small crush on me and I tried to hint at her that I had loved her all along without outright saying it and thought I had gotten through.

In a way, I guess I couldn't have been more wrong.

I looked at the last picture, and it was one of us at Bella's graduation. Technically Edward, Emmett and Rose had graduated as well, but I was really just there to see Bella. I remembered that day clearly, it was so much fun. If only I had known within a week's time they would be leaving. I sighed as I traced the outline of the picture before I ripped it from the album and stood up.

I changed as quickly as possible without ripping my clothes to pieces, once I had on a pair of dark washed wranglers my old cowboy boots and a plain blue button up shirt put on over my white tank top, I shoved the photo into my back pocket and headed out the front door. I climbed into my truck, needing the moment of pause before I arrived, and driving would be better than running.

I took a steadying breath as I started my truck, reaching over to the passenger seat to grab my black Stetson hat. Once I had it on I pulled out of the driveway and started the twenty minute drive to the Cullen's house. The whole time I tried to keep my mind blank while keeping my emotions in check.

It didn't seem slow enough, the drive I mean, the next thing I knew I was pulling into the driveway and parking behind many cars. I sighed softly to myself, climbing out of my truck with much trepidation. I slowly walked towards the house, not even sure how late for the party I was by this point but glad I had decided to come. I needed to do this. I needed to do this one last thing and make her _see_.

I opened the door slowly and quietly took in the scene before me. The living room had been emptied of furniture except for the stage that sat against the far wall. Stage lights had been put up so there was a spotlight as well as multi colored lights illuminating the stage and the current singer. Everyone was mingling around in the darkened room highlighted by the stage lights and random candles placed strategically across the room.

I noted, once I had slipped in and shut the door, that there was Edward's prized white piano sitting neatly on the stage, as well as a few instruments placed around for anyone to use as they did karaoke. I let my gaze scan the room of guests, many of them other graduates and friends of Bella and Edward. I saw Bella's dad and a couple of her friends from the reservation, although they didn't seem too happy to be there surrounded by their 'enemy'.

I found Bella talking to Emmett excitedly; her hair was pulled back into a pony tail letting her curls fall down her back in large ringlets. Two lonesome bangs curled gently around her beautiful face that was touched up lightly by subtle make up. She was wearing a form fitting blue dress, it shaped her curves gently and fell to her calves; very simple yet beautiful. I noticed that her feet were adorned in black ballet shoes and I mentally applauded her for not giving into Alice's addiction to heels.

Glad that no one had really noticed my entrance yet, I slowly made my way to the stage. While doing so I noticed the song was coming to an end. Eager to do what I came here to do before I was noticed, I found Carlisle who seemed to be announcing the next 'singers'.

Gently, I pulled him aside and whispered into his ear, "Hey, I'm gonna go next, but don't mention its me okay?"

"Sure Jasper, whatever you need," Carlisle whispered back in response, confusion adorning his features but I knew he wouldn't ask questions, "I'm glad you made it, I'm sure she will be too." He moved towards the stage as the singer finished.

"I hope so" I mumbled to myself. I slinked, as I had a tendency to do, onto the stage towards the piano. It wasn't really illuminated by enough light so I knew I was practically invincible to everyone as I took my seat. This was good because I wanted my entrance to be a surprise; I wanted this moment of mystery before everyone realized it was me up here. I had never sung for a crowd before, for Peter and Charlotte perhaps, but never a crowd.

Bella didn't know this but I had been practicing piano at the Port Angelus music store for the past two months, working on a song for her. I had never really planned to sing her the song unless I absolutely had to, it was really just my feelings every time I saw her with Edward but I felt in necessary to sing now.

Glancing up I found her amongst the crowd, still talking excitedly with Emmett. I wanted to go tell her hello, hug her close and whisper to her not to leave. I also wanted to say hi to the family but I knew if I didn't do this first I would never garner the courage to do it later.

And Bella deserved the best from me.

"Okay ladies and gentleman that was Ben!" Carlisle announced a moment later, motioning for everyone to calm down as they burst into rounds of applause. "This next singer asked to not be named, but I'm sure you will all figure out who he is in a moment. Give him a round of applause" Carlisle spoke clearly into the microphone his voice musical and soft. I enjoyed the gentle timbre of his voice for a moment while I took my last moment to myself. I fiddled with the mike in front of my face trying to make sure it was on.

The audience applauded loudly before gradually falling silent as they all waited. The spotlight still hadn't moved to where I sat as if the person in control of it wasn't sure where I was, but for which I was thankful.

I waited till it was completely silent before I started moving my fingers across the keys in a soft beautiful melody. The light still hadn't moved to me, making it seem more soft and ominous. I idly questioned who was controlling the spotlight and why it hadn't moved, but was glad for a few more moments in the dark.

I inhaled slowly, clearly hearing the air fill my lungs before I started to sing in a soft slightly hoarse voice.

"She loved and left me  
Still she kept me  
Wanting more, but feelings empty  
Did she have to go?  
Will I ever know?"

There was barely a moment's pause before I started singing the next verse. I shifted my weight as I grew more confident. I sang a little louder when determination started to fill me.

I would get my message across. I had no other choice.

"Love and leave me  
She deceived me  
The way she kissed  
Was so misleading  
I thought that she might stay  
Then she went away  
Before I close the chapter to your name  
There's a couple things I never got to say"

I poured all my emotions into the softly sung words, my eyes closed while I played the notes I knew by heart. I took a small breath on the last word, pausing before I opened my eyes to look out across the crowd that could now see me due to the spotlight centered on the piano. The light having moved to frame me in its brilliant yet blinding light as I finished the second verse.

"Your eyes are wonderful  
Your smile is too  
Your laugh's contagious  
And your heart is true  
There's beauty in your touch  
And your kiss is love  
You're everything that every guy dreams of  
You're everything  
That makes me  
Fall in love"

I continued the melody, bringing my eyes down to watch my fingers for a moment. Not that I needed to but I was fighting for control, my emotions were becoming too much.

I took a deep breath when it was time for the next chorus. I closed my eyes and just let it all out while I sang. I knew I would never get my meaning across through any other way at this point. I had to sing it to her, if I couldn't express to her how much I loved her in a song I _wrote_ for her then I was undeserving. I at that point will have failed. I couldn't fail, so the emotions, my love for her, came easily to me as I pushed it into my voice while I sang:

"It's been some time  
But still I find  
I'm struggling with our  
Last goodbye

I thought this love would last  
Now I'm living in the past  
Cause it's just me  
And memories of how my heart  
Would skip a beat  
Whenever you were near  
Now you're never here

Before I find the strength  
To let this go  
There's a couple things  
I need for you to know…"

I inhaled while I took a small pause. Opening my eyes I looked across the crowd for her and like a beacon my eyes easily met her wide brown ones. Her eyes were wide and soft appearing, tranced in a way that showed she was taking in every word, every note.

"Your eyes are wonderful  
Your smile is too  
Your laugh's contagious  
And your heart is true  
There's beauty in your touch  
And your kiss is love  
You're everything that every guy dreams of  
You're everything  
That makes me  
Fall in love."

I swayed with the music my voice rang clearly through the air, resonating across the tiny room. My fingers continued to move swiftly across the piano keys in a delicate manner. I smiled softly although I felt full of sorrow. Memories of days long past ran through my mind. Time I would never get back, and a future filled with so many unknowns. My eyes closed on their own accord, the pain in my chest tightening with every word I sang.

"Your eyes are wonderful  
Your smile is too  
Your laugh's contagious  
And your heart is true  
YEAH, there's beauty in your touch  
And your KISS is love

You're everything  
Yes  
You're everything  
You're everything  
That makes me  
Fall in love"

A small pause, breath raspy and low, "Yeah, in love"

A few more notes and the song came to a close. I hadn't realized that my gaze had moved back down to the keyboard with the last few words. My focus had been solely on the words I was singing and who they were for. The thunderous applause filling the room was dull and distant in my ears once I looked up and my gaze met Bella's tearful brown eyes. Her hands were clutched at her chest as she fought the tears that wanted to spill over.

Her dad had an arm wrapped around her waist while looking at me with such a sympathetic look that I couldn't help but want to cry. Somehow… somehow I just knew she didn't get it. And if she did, she wasn't changing her mind.

But the questions didn't stop going through my mind regardless: Did she understand? Would she finally choose me instead? I loved her so much, and not just because she was my mate. There were thousands of reasons why I loved her and I just wanted her to love me with the same conviction, I needed her to choose me because she wanted me.

I needed her to love me the same way I loved her and not do so because of the mating pull.

Bella took a step towards me, causing me to stand up quickly. I nearly toppled the chair over when doing so though, so I quickly turned to catch it. When I straightened back up Bella was gone from my sight. I looked around for her, needing to speak to her. I was about to go find her when I got stopped by Carlisle.

Everything was distant, him telling me how wonderful that song was, asking if I would sing another. I shook my head and tried to go, saying thank you to every person I passed as I got stopped multiple times on my way to the door. Once I finally reached the staircase I heard her, and what I heard stopped my heart.

"Edward I want to go now, please can we leave early? I'm so tired and I just… I just want to get away" Bella was whispering softly. I could tell she was up in the hallway with Edward who was making soft shushing noises.

"Yes love of course. Are you okay, you sure? Okay let me go tell Esme, go grab your bag" Edward whispered to her.

My heart broke, she was leaving tonight. My song hadn't changed her mind, if anything it made her want to leave sooner. I whimpered softly as I took the photo from my pocket and placed it on the side table by the door.

I was out the door in an instance, climbing in my truck so fast I almost broke the door. I saw Peter appear at the door, emitting confusion and worry as he started my way. I shook my head before taking off.

I knew if he wanted to he could have caught up with me, but Peter listened to me when I motioned for him to stay. He trusted me.

I hated breaking that trust.

Peter thought I was probably heading home, defeated and upset from how things turned out. Although I'm sure his confusion was due to I hadn't even said a word to Bella yet I already knew the outcome. He obviously hadn't heard her wanting to leave yet.

As I pulled out of the driveway I caught a glimpse of Bella in her window, staring down at me. Her hand was pressed to the glass pane and her expression was downfallen. She looked so upset and pained, I ached because of it yet at this point I could do nothing about it.

I forced myself to look away and drive off. I internally paused momentarily, everything in me wanting to turn around and at least see her off, but just the idea of watching her leave steeled my resolve.

For once in my life, someone I loved was going to watch my back as I walked away from them.

I drove away from the small town. I drove onto the highway once I was close enough and headed south. I hadn't been down south in years but I figured I deserved some sun. I craved the sunlight as much as I craved Bella, and I wouldn't be denied both.

I inhaled deeply while I just drove and drove further south. Once I hit the border and headed into California to take that route towards Texas, my original home and ultimate goal, I rolled down my windows to breathe in the fresh desert air.

I was tired of dealing with the ones I loved leaving me, choosing me last. This time, I would choose myself and if they really wanted me, they would come find _me_ for once. Because I simply couldn't do this anymore, I couldn't be second best.

So, I drove.


End file.
